Violette1st 2015-2017 intro
Violette: ‘Cause it says...homework.
William: I’ll break that camera.
(The video starts)
William: Why did you only get us two pizzas?
Andy: (Over William) That is good food.
Bill: You don’t appreciate anything. I’m buying two pizzas, and you’re gonna get some, and you’re gonna sit there and argue with me! What is your problem?!
William: Two pizzas is not enough, I’m gonna go to bed frickin’ hungry!
Bill: Whaddya mean “Two Pizzas isn’t enough?!”
William: It’s not enough!
William: (To Andy) Andy, do you think two pizzas is enough?
Violette: William, we can have salads with it.
Bill: (To Violette) Absolutely!
William: Salads are disgusting!
Andy: Salads are good.
William: (To Bill) You wouldn’t even eat a salad.
Bill: I love salads!
William: No you don’t!
Bill: Yes I do!
William: I’ve never seen you eat a salad!
Bill: Well, that’s you because you don’t look. Obviously.
Violette: Yeah- William, I don’t think we each nee- we don’t need more pizza than two pizzas.
Violette: I think that’s enough right there.
William: You should’ve at least got us one more piece.
Bill: A piz- a pizza a person? That’s unhealthy!
William: Yeah- Oh! Oh! I’m the one that’s unhealthy here!
Bill: Well, right now you’re-
William: (Over Bill) You’re a...you go to frickin’ KFC and frickin’ McDonald’s like almost every day.
Bill: So? I like it.
Bill: I’m sorry, I was hungry.
Andy: (Over Bill) These Big Macs are good.
William: (To Andy) Yeah, but they’re not good for you!
Bill: Well, they’re- they’re tasty.
Andy: (Over Bill) See? You got cheese, good.
Andy: Lettuce, good.
Andy: Bread, good.
Bill: (To Andy) Hot sauce?
William: Yeah, but it’s not good for you, look it up!
William: Idiots and the frickin’ chicken nuggets are like frickin’-
Bill: (Over William) You’re not getting the whole pizza to yourself, I’m sorry.
William: Yeah, because you’re too frickin’ lazy to go back out and get one.
Bill: Nope, I got what I need, and that’s it.
Bill: If you don’t like it, walk out.
Violette: I’m not a fan of all this greasy food, okay? I think this is plenty of food- pizza for us.
William: Why are we arguing over pizza?
Violette: I know.
Bill: Because, you’ll never get enough.
Violette: Yeah, just- let’s just eat it, okay? Make the best of it, William. Make the best of it. (The quartet go into the house.) Come on now. We can still have a nice night, let’s not fret over pizza.
William: I’ll put it on the table.
Bill: Okay. We need room for the plate.
William: We don’t have room for the frickin’ plates. Alright guys, get a piece.
Bill: (Over William) I want my pizza first.
Andy: Where’s my plate?
Bill: Where’s my plate, exactly. ‘Cause, I get- I get pizza first, ‘cause I paid for this.
William: Yeah, and I don’t care if you’re supposed to provide for me.
Bill: I do provide for you!
William: Why are the plates not-
Violette: You guys-
William: I didn’t say we fight!
Violette: Everybody, just get your plates! You’re fighting over plates?! This is really s-
William: There is no plates!
Violette: Dishwasher, there’s plates in the dishwasher.
William: Do you want one of em’?
William: Do you want one?
Violette: Sure, just leave mine um, on the side.
Bill: I want the first piece.
Violette: (To Bill) Of course Bill, you get the first piece, okay?
Bill: I’m starvin’.
Violette: We know you’re starvin’.
William: Indeed, “You’re always starvin’.” She’s right. Alright,
Violette: These are small ones, but whatever.
William: This could be your plate. (Gives Bill the smallest plate)
Bill: Why did you give me the smallest plate?
William: I don’t care! Let’s just frickin’ eat.
Bill: (Over William) I know you don’t care!
Violette: William, just get out a normal plate.
William: (Screaming) STOP ARGUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
Violette: I don’t think you should even-
Bill: I can’t even enjoy my own pizza.
William: (Over Bill) JUST STOP! STOP!
Violette: This is- (William opens the pizza box.) I didn’t even think we should get this.
William: What is this?
Bill: Whaddya mean, “What is this?” That’s what I like on my pizza.
William: (Offscreen) I don’t like onions and tomatoes!
Bill: (Offscreen) I’m sorry, I do!
Violette: Well, maybe the other-
William: They’re disgusting!
Violette: There’s two pizzas there...
William: (To Violette) Do you even like onions and tomatoes?
Violette: I- I like tomatoes, but I’m not a fan of onions on my pizza.
William: What’s on the other pizza?
Bill: Whaddya mean?
William: What’s on the other pizza? (Checks the ingredients and realizes that there’s onions and tomatoes in it too) WHY DID YOU- YOU KNOW I DON’T LIKE TOMATOES!
Bill: Well, that’s your problem.
William: Frickin’ on-
Bill: They’re healthy! What’s your problem?! Talk about health around here!
William: YEAH, EXACTLY! AND THREE BIG MACS IS NOT HEALTHY!
Andy: Just eat the pizza and
Violette: (To William over Andy) William,
Andy: frickin’ enjoy it.
Violette: Yeah, well, you just get a drink out or some-
Violette: Oh gosh, what’s he doin’?
Bill: What’re you doin you frickin’ dingbat?!
Violette: William, what’re you doing?
Bill: What’re you- WHAT’RE YOU DOIN’?! NO! NO! (William eggs the pizza.) NO!!!
Bill: WHAT’RE YOU DOIN’?!?!?!
Andy: What the hell dude?!
Bill: GET OFF OF MY FRICKIN’ PIZZA!!!
Bill: STOP!!! FRICKIN’ JERK!
Bill: WHAT THE FRICK?! FRICKIN’ JERK!
Violette: (To William over Bill) WILLIAAAAAAAAAAM! (William puts more cracked eggs on the pizza.)
Bill: WHAT’RE YOU DOIN’?!?!?!
Violette: WILLIAM, STOP!
Bill: YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THESE!!!
William: NO, I’M NOT!
Andy: YOU ARE!
Andy: THIS IS UNREAL!
William: GO AHEAD AND EAT THAT!
Violette: THAT IS NOT NECESSARY!
Bill: I AM NOT PUTTIN’ UP- (William slams the egged pizza towards Andy’s shirt.)
Violette: WILLIAAAAAAAAAAAM!!! (Andy and William have a hectic fight.)
Bill: STOP!!! THE FRICK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
Violette: MY GOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
Violette: STOP IT!!!
Violette: THIS IS SO IMMATURE!!!
Violette: YOU GUYS ACT LIKE BABIES!!!
Bill: STOP IT!!!
Violette: STOP IT!!!
Violette: MY GOOOOOOOSH!!!
Bill: ENOUGH! YOU GOT MESS EVERYWHERE!
Violette: WILLIAM, STOP!!! NO WILLI-
Andy: WHAT’E YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE- (William eggs Andy.)
Violette: WILLIAAAAAAAAAAM!!! NOW-
Violette: MY GO- YOU’RE MAKING A MESS!!! I NEED TWO EGGS FOR WORK IN THE- BEFORE I GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING!!!
Bill: FRICKIN’ JERK!
Violette: DON’T USE MY EGGS!
Bill: FRICKIN’ JERK, WE NEED THAT FOOD! WHY WOULD YOU WASTE IT ON THIS FOOD?!
Violette: WILLIAM, THAT IS A WASTE!
Andy: WHY IS IT THAT EASY FOR PIZZA?!?!?!
Violette: WELL, I GUESS WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO SHARE THE ONE PIZZA NOW!
Bill: (To William) YOU GOT EGG ALL OVER YOUR HAIR, (To Andy) YOU GOT EGG ALL OVER YOUR SHIRT!
Bill: WE CAN’T EVEN ENJOY A MEAL ANYMORE!
Andy: WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THE OTHER PIZZA?!?!?!
Bill: YEAH, GIMME THAT!!!
Violette: Oh no.
Bill: FRICKIN’ JERK!!!
Violette: Oh no.
Andy: WHAT’RE YOU DOING?!
Violette: William, don’t run away with the pizza! You already ruined one! (William, Andy, and Violette go outside.)
Andy: WHAT’RE YOU DOING?!
Violette: William...William, bring the pizza back! William, bring the pizza back! Oh gosh, alright, give me the pizza.
Andy: (To Violette) He threw it on the ground!
Violette: Oh my gosh, I already-
Andy: Now, he’s putting lighter fluid on it!
Violette: William! (William puts fluid on the pizza.) WILLIAM!!! STOP! NOPE! STOP IT NOW! OH STOP!
Andy: What are you doing?!
Violette: I don’t even wanna be- OH MY GOSH, (William puts gasoline on the pizza.) YOU’RE GONNA BURN PIZZA?!?!?!
Andy: (To Bill) Dude, he’s gonna burn the pizza!
Bill: Well, that’s alright, let him do it, I dare him.
Violette: (To Bill) IT’S NOT ALRIGHT!
Bill: He’s definitely gonna buy me two pizzas.
Violette: I TOLD HIM NOT TO HAVE SO MANY FIRES ANYMORE!
Bill: (To William) You are gonna buy me two pizzas buddy!
Violette: I SAID TO CUT BACK ON YOUR FIRES!
Bill: And you said, You are gonna destroy em’! You frickin’ jerk! (William incinerates the pizza.)
Bill: Now, you’re definitely gonna buy my pizzas!
Bill: You are! Frickin’ jerk!
Andy: Well, I guess this is taking crispy to a whole new level.
Violette: WILLIAM!!! (A moment of silence.) THAT IS RIDICULOUS! YOU’RE BUR-
Andy: Why would you do that?! You gotta buy new food now! What’re we gonna eat now?!
Violette: Well, I guess they’re well done!
William: (Bellows) I’M NOT BUYING YOU PIZZA!!!
Bill: You are so! (To Violette) He’s buying me two more pizzas. I’m not putting up with this crap no more. I can’t have anything here like that.
Violette: (Over Bill) I know this isn’t right, but maybe you could’ve gotten the pizzas of two different types instead of getting them both your way! You knew that he didn’t like tomatoes!
Bill: HE CAN PICK EM’ OFF!
Violette: Even if he doesn’t like the taste of the onions getting into the food!
Bill: Well, that’s his problem!
Violette: You should try to think of everybody. Oh my...gosh.
Bill: (To William) You’re gonna buy me pizzas pal!
William: You’re putting out the fire!
Bill: No, y- you are gonna buy me pizzas!
Violette: Oh my gosh.
Bill: I’m gonna go put this frickin’ fire out.
Violette: Yeah B- well, excuse me. I gotta get a pi- look at this, this is ridicu- (Gasps) there’s still a pie- couple of pieces there that I don’t wanna burn.
William: (To Violette) Oh yeah! We’re gonna eat em’ after they were on-
Violette: (To William) Shut up! I was just saying, okay?!
Bill: The waters off of the frickin’ hose. I gotta go into the house and turn the hose on.
Violette: (To Bill) Who turned off the water? (William tosses the burnt Xbox.) Oh. Oh, there’s that Xbox that was burned. (Andy chuckling)
Andy: That was funny.
William: (Bellows) THAT WASN’T FUNNY!!!
Andy: (To William) That was! That was hilarious!
William: (Bellows) I SHOULD SHOW THAT VIDEO TO THE POLICE!!!
Violette: (To Andy) Andy, that was not funny.
Andy: (To Violette) I disagree.
Violette: It i- the fire is probably gonna put itself out so, don’t worry, the fire is gonna put itself out. So just, tell your dad actually-
Andy: (To William) What’re you doin’ now?!
Violette: William, William, WILLIAM!!! I SAID, JUST LET IT G- WILLIAM, (William incinerates the pizza once more.) THE PIZZAS OBVIOUSLY D- GET AWAY FROM THERE!!! (Corrupted voice) RIGHT NOW!!! WILLIAM, GET AWA- I’M SERIOUS (William scorches the yard.) WILLIAM! WILLIAM!!! (Gasps) TELL YOUR DAD TO GET OUT HERE NOW! WILLIAM, SERIOUSLY, GO GET HIM!
Andy: Hey, get away.
Violette: GO GET HIIIIIIIIIIIIIM! (To Andy) Andy, go get him! (Andy blows on the flame of the gasoline.) Andy- oh my gosh! (Andy claps his hands to put out the flame on the gasoline.) We’re gonna frickin’ burn the yard down!
Andy: (To Violette) We’re good.
Violette: (To William) Tell your dad to seriously to- (To Andy) No, it’s not good! This is terrible! (To William) Where’s your dad?!
William: (To Violette) YOU ARGUE OVER EVERYTHING!
Violette: WHO WOULD TURN OFF THE WATER?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHO WOULD TURN OFF WATER WHEN WE HAVE A WILLIAM FIRE ARTS IN THIS AROUND HERE?!
Bill: Yeah, he must’ve turned the water off the frickin’ house!
Violette: (To William and Andy) Stop it you guys! You stop fighting! Get that hose now before it gets worse! (To William) William, I told you not to have so many fires anymore! Stop it! That is so ridiculous!
William: (To Andy) STOP!
Andy: You started me first!
Bill: (Comes back with the hose) Who set the chair on fire?!
William: That wasn’t me!
Bill: Frickin’ jerk!
William: It’s probably this idiot!
Andy: (To Bill) Nah, he almost blowed up the gas can.
Violette: (To Bill) Yeah, he did. Although, I’m not on your guys side, but he did. (Bill puts out the fire.) Okay, good. This night is just gonna be- (Bill sprays water on William.)
Violette: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! BILL, YOU SQUIRTED HIM!!! THAT WAS MEAN!!!
Bill: (To Violette) Good, he deserved it!
Violette: YOU DIDN’T NEED TO SQUIRT HIM!
Bill: Yes, I did!
William: WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS TURN OUT BAD FOR ME?!
Bill: (To Andy) Watch out Andy.
Violette: You didn’t need to squirt him, now, he’s all wet, full of food over him!
Andy: I told you-
Violette: (To William over Andy) William! Oh my gosh! This is a terrible night! Absolutely terrible!
Bill: Frickin’ jerk.
Violette: William, go take a- William- oh gosh, what’re you doing?
Bill: What’re you doin’ now you dingbat?!
Violette: You’re scoopin’ up the pizza? (Video cut #1)
Bill: WHAT’RE YOU DOING?!
Andy: What are you doing now?!
Violette: William, why are you putting the- are you scooping up the pizza? (William digs the spot where Bill buried his Xbox.)
Andy: What the hell-
Violette: You’re bur- oh, you’re burying it where- he buried it where you guys buried his Xbox. Oh no! I’m c- oh no! Oh real- well, you guys did that to him. Can I say?
Andy: Yeah, but it doesn’t go in bury food.
Violette: He needs to cross out the word Xbox and put pizza. (Violette walks toward Bill.) (To Bill) Terrible. Disaster is- (Video cut #2) (Violette goes back towards the house ending the video.)